My Funny Valentine?

My husband and I are supposed to be in the Caribbean this Valentine’s Day, but I didn’t want to travel this late during the pregnancy, so we cancelled our plans — bummer.  Valentine’s Day is here and it hasn’t always been that funny or fun for me.  I know that this is my second or third reference on the blog about being single, but I think this is a day for all of us (married and single men and women).  I feel that I have the authority to speak for singles and married people because I have been in both seats and I was single for a very long time.  I used to get so frustrated sitting in church listening to sermon after sermon on marriage and feeling  a bit left out.  I would think to myself, “Should I just walk out now and go to the mall or sit here and listen to this again?”  I often thought, “When is someone going to preach a sermon about being single?”  Or what about the never ending marriage conferences?  Can I get a single’s conference please?

I remember purchasing my first home 7 or 8 years ago and buying a flat screen television.  My Camaro was too small, so I had to drive my secretary’s SUV to the store to get the television, unpack the truck, drag the television upstairs to my bedroom and set it up alone.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel sorry for myself as I struggled and maneuvered to get that box up those stairs, but I also felt a great sense of accomplishment in the fact that I got it up all those stairs and set it up myself.  I became great at fixing things around the house and I started traveling a lot  to visit friends and family.  I kept busy, joined great organizations, sat on boards for non-profits and mentored young college women.  I used my gifts and talents to help others, and as I look back, I was actually helping myself too.  Helping others caused me to place less focus on the fact that I was single.

Most of my friends were married when they were in their late 20’s.  However, I saw many of them divorced within a few years and frustrated.  One of my friends stated that if she was not married by 30, she didn’t know what she was going to do.  I felt so sorry for her.   One thing I learned from many of my young married friends was that it was better to be alone and single than alone and married.

Something that I was always grateful for as a single person was simply the fact that I was single, which meant I was not married to the wrong person.  Have peace in knowing that you are waiting for the right person and you have not married the wrong person.  And if you’re dating the wrong person, now is the time to stop the foolishness and stop wasting time with someone who adds no value to your life.  How is the right person ever going to come into your life if you’re wasting time with someone you know is the wrong person? It’s not going to happen.

Waiting is not easy, but it is necessary.  It’s necessary to prevent heartache and pain in the long run.  It’s necessary to prevent children from having to deal with a broken marriage, and it is necessary to receive what God has in store for you. I’m not saying that all divorces are caused because someone married the person they knew was not the best for them.  Many marriages end because of situations that are not healthy for the other spouse or the children.  However, I have personally spoken to too many friends whose marriages ended because they “just wanted to be married” and jumped in too soon.  You might say to yourself, “Shayla, you really don’t understand.”  Trust me, I do.  WAITING has been the story of my life.

I am warning you that you will get a lot of counterfeits before you get the real thing, so don’t be discouraged by them.  Just know that you are worth the wait.  This Valentine’s Day, get together with some single friends and have dinner or see a movie.   This is not the time to sit home and dwell on what you wish you had.  Be grateful for the heartache that you don’t have and truly thank God for it.  Happy Valentine’s Day.  Now go and celebrate YOU!

Shayla Jay

Shayla Jay


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  1. Kalisha

    Love it!! I have been single for over 5 years now. I often hear and look at what the so called “lovers” are going through and I can say Id rather not deal with that. Ive been happily single. Yea people get lonely but Id rather be single and lonely than dating/married and still lonely. I love ur posts.

    • shaylajay

      Thank you, Kalisha! Just remember not to settle, ever.

  2. Kimberly Lanier-Lawrence

    Being single is not an easy thing. My problem was whether I would be blessed with a husband that would love my daughter as if she was his own since I was in fact a single parent! God indeed blessed me and I thank him everyday for my husband. Never understood in the beginning why my relationship with my daughter’s father did not work….didn’t understand at the time that God was pruning me for true love and for someone who would appreciate my love in return. I’m definitely with you….waiting is necessary.

    • shaylajay

      Thanks for sharing, Kim!

  3. Tameka

    Hi Shayla,

    First I would like to say Congrats on the new addition to the family. Second I truly can relate to your blog this week. It is an eye opener to read those words from you. I read your blog every week and I truly LOVE it keep up the good work. I talked to your mom this week and she told me to let you know how I feel about the blog. I am so proud of you. You have always been my role model. Stay blessed and highly favored.

    Love Always,

    Tameka Taylor

    • shaylajay

      Thanks, Tameka. Your words are too kind. Hang in there because it will be worth it in the end and do not settle. When you settle for less, you get less than you settled for.

  4. pl

    I can see you having a seminar in the future to help women understand the “waiting” process! I know you could reach some lonely souls out there.

    • shaylajay

      Thanks, and if God opens that door, I will walk through it.

  5. Angela Clark

    Oh how i LOOVVVVE you for posting this! Iam experiencing this now…. I enjoyed V-Day alone eating Mexican food, was given a gift from a really nice person because he said he couldNOT believe that I was single! Thanks soo much! It is def NOT easy but worth it! Funny you wrote this because last night you and your husband and this other Christain couple I know with simlar stories were in my dreams not sure why, but hey God I am open to him revealing to me why:))

    • shaylajay

      Thanks Angie! I am happy you enjoyed your day celebrating you!

  6. Keeshia

    Thanks for this post. It reminded me that I’m doing the right thing by waiting on the man God has for me and not dealing with the foolishness.

    • shaylajay

      And God will honor that!

  7. Anonymous

    This post is awesome! I always tell myself that there is no reason to rush to the altar, because at the end of the day I will be alone anyways. So might as well wait it out until you know for certain that being married is the right thing to do!

    • shaylajay

      Yes, “wait” is the magic word. It is best to wait until there is no doubt in your mind about whether he is the one.

  8. Bianca

    Wonderful post Shayla. It is painful to be alone and married! It is so important to communicate with your spouse!

    • shaylajay

      You have to communicate with your spouse. That’s why my husband and I keep the lines of communication open!

  9. Bran

    Amen, Amen, Aaaaamen! Great Post. Its funny, because, I over heard my mother, talking to her friend. A friend stated, she was happy to finally be a grandma overwhelmed with excitement and joy. My mother then replied to her friend stating, “well I’m over sixty and I still dont have any grandchildren”. At first, I felt a sense of dissapointment but then and hour later I was over it. I know my worth and what my heart desires. As mentioned in the book of Psalms “delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart”

    At GOD’s timing he will place the right husband in my path, I refuse to settle and be unhappy. Its not my season.

    • shaylajay

      I agree. Take your time and let God do the work!